Just as I am

This entire weekend I was home sick, confined to the couch for what felt like an eternity, drinking Gatorade, sleeping, listening to music and watching movies. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, being completely alone all weekend. It was actually very relaxing and full of reflection.

I realized that there was a new song and an old movie that gave my solitary weekend a theme: loving someone for who they are. It’s a very hopeful theme, and it goes very well with where I’m at in my life right now.

I listened to Bruno Mars’s “Just the Way You Are” a few times, it’s a great song:

(Side note: Have you heard Nelly’s new single “Just a Dream” yet? If not, listen to it now, I love, love, love it!)

Of the probably six or seven movies I watched, Bridget Jones’s Diary was the one I’ve seen many, many times, and for good reason. I relate to the characters and their stories and, at the end, I always feel hopeful about my own life.

Bridget is a self-proclaimed “spinster” – a thirty-something, singleton who has a few vices, including smoking, drinking and always falling for the wrong men (she also believes she’s overweight, but I disagree with her on that one). What I love most about Bridget is that she tends to ramble, sometimes her words inappropriate, whenever she gets nervous. But she is also smart, funny, kind-hearted, and has family and friends who love and support her. Aside from the smoking, I really, really relate to Bridget. My favorite part of the movie comes somewhere in the middle, where Bridget and Mark have this conversation:

Mark: I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences. I realize that when I met you at the Turkey Curry Buffet that I was unforgivably rude... and wearing a reindeer jumper... that my mother had given me the day before. But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you. Very much.
Bridget: Apart from the smoking and the drinking and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea...
Mark: No, I like you very much. Just as you are.

It always gives me goosebumps. I think everyone, at one point or another in their lives, has longed to hear those words from someone. Bridget is far from perfect, but Mark likes her very much. Just as she is.

When I think back to all the relationships I've had over the years, it's somewhat obvious that no one has ever truly loved me for who I am. I’ve had short relationships, long relationships, and non-relationships. I’ve had relationships that started in friendship, started with love at first sight, and started with love on second glance. Relationships filled with fond memories and memories I try hard to forget. I’ve had relationships that have ended in friendship, ended mutually, and ended surprisingly and crushingly. But I’ve learned from all of them. Most importantly, by age 29, I've learned who I am and what I want. And what I deserve.

At the end of the day, I realized that it's quite possible I may never find someone who loves me “just as I am.” And you know, what? I’m ok with that. I will never, ever, settle for anything less than everything. Why settle when I already have a full and happy life? A life full of family and friends who, in fact, love me just as I am. I love my independence and my freedom and the possibilities that lie ahead for me. And I love me. Just as I am. :-)