As a kid, I always lamented on my misfortune… I was born and raised in Cleveland. Oh the horror! Cleveland is cursed: the sports teams, the weather, the economic pit of despair. Surely, I belonged somewhere like California where I could be a beach bunny. Or New York City where I could submerse myself in fashion and culture.
These could have been me.
And then somewhere along the road of life, I realized… Cleveland is actually a great place to live. There is a lot to do and see here, the cost of living is cheap, and the changing of the seasons is refreshing and beautiful! Carrie Bradshaw once said, “If…you only get one great love, New York may just be mine. And I can't have nobody talking shit about my boyfriend.” Well, I may not go quite that far about Cleveland, but I understand the sentiment. And I have found a great appreciation for my city over the years, especially over the last couple of days.
Woahhhh Cleveland!
On Wednesday night, I caught a showing of The Phantom of the Opera at the Allen Theater with eight other lovely ladies, friends and family. It was my second time seeing the show in Cleveland and I still had goosebumps nearly the entire time. I absolutely love the theater. Did you know that Cleveland’s Playhouse Square is the second-largest theater center in the US (second to NYC)? Most of the eight theaters were built in the early 1920s but still maintain their original construction. Many of them closed in the late sixties but thankfully re-opened in the late eighties. Now, in 2010, as you walk down Euclid Avenue’s Theater District, you’re treated to the impressive sight of the bright marquee lights, the delicious smells from the great restaurants and the delightful sounds of some random guy playing the saxophone. It’s quite an experience every single time you visit. Now that I’ve discovered you can get $10 seats to the shows, I’ll be going much more often.
Cleveland's theater district about half a century ago.
Then last night, three friends and I got free tickets to see Back to the Future at the Palace Theater. (Along with free popcorn, free candy, free hot pretzels, and a free drink). How can you beat that? But the absolute best part of the evening, besides for the company and the free perks, was the atmosphere. We walked into the Palace and were immediately transported back in time (very appropriate, considering the movie we were about to see). The architecture and detail to the theater is just jaw-dropping. It’s so elegant and timeless. And there was an organ player! He was playing “Music of the Night” and “Memories” and other Broadway classics for about 15 minutes before the show started. The theater was packed. Then the lights dimmed and there on the screen was a Bugs Bunny cartoon! It was actually hilarious! The whole theater burst into applause when the movie started. It was the first time that I can remember that kind of interaction between an audience and a film: the laughs, the applause, the oohs and ahhs throughout the movie. The happiness of the theater was palpable. At the end of the movie, when the lights came on and we were reverted back to 2010 (not 1985 as I had hoped for), the faces of the people leaving the theater was a sight to see... everyone had a really great time.
"When this baby hits 88 miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit."
I’m very grateful to have such wonderful friends and family to experience my city with. Who says there’s nothing to do in Cleveland? There’s a lot to be discovered… and rediscovered. Get out there!
We’ve all had to defend ourselves at one time or another. However, I find that I’m constantly defending myself on three things: first, why I’m still single, second, why I didn’t take the Bar Exam, and third, why I’m a vegetarian. I find all three questions equally annoying, but none enrage me more than when another person is lambasted for being a vegetarian or vegan.
I had dinner at my parents’ house tonight and my mom brought up that she was listening to Trivisonno (ick) on the radio today. Apparently there is some guy running for Congress against Dennis Kucinich (he shall remain nameless only because he is so unimportant to even waste my time looking up his name) and he said something along the lines of “I can guarantee that when I am in office, I will NOT become a vegan.” My response? “Fuck you, no-name.” My mom said if she had known it was going to upset me that much, she wouldn’t have mentioned it. Well, yes, it does upset me. For several reasons which I will vent about now.
First, I am so sick and tired of people looking at me like I’m an alien when they find out I’m a vegetarian. The realization always follows with an incredulous “why?” or “wow, really?” like it would have been more acceptable had I told them I was into midget porn and toejam. If I were to live in California or New York City or someplace, dare I say, more sophisticated than the Midwest, no one would bat an eyelash at my lifestyle choice. But I’ve found in my nearly thirty years of living here that people aren’t as open-minded as they are in other places.
Ideas are not always popular, but it doesn’t make them weird or wrong. There was a time when abolitionists were going to ruin this country. When suffragettes were unholy. When Civil Rights leaders were assassinated. When interracial marriage was illegal. But all of these things changed because those who believed in their cause fought until things changed. Sometimes they were killed in the process. Because change doesn’t come easy to people. Humans fear what is unknown. I get it. But he who lives in fear, doesn’t live at all. It’s why some day we will look back and add “gays weren’t allowed to marry” to that list. So vegetarianism or veganism may be a different idea for some, but it doesn't make it wrong.
The second thing I am upset about is that douchebag no-name finds it completely acceptable (and funny?) to use his opponent’s personal diet choices as fuel for his political fire. It’s completely unacceptable to politically bash someone because of their race, religion, or sexual orientation or bring their kids into it because it’s WRONG to do that. But it’s acceptable to bash them because of their personal dietary lifestyle? I don’t get it? His not eating animals or animal by-products somehow makes him completely unqualified to be the voice of his people? I don’t think so, you no-name buffoon.
Third, I can’t stand those who attack others for their choices when they’re uneducated on or apathetic of the issue. There are many reasons to convert to vegetarianism or veganism… health, moral, environmental, and political. Try opening a book, you ignorant fuck. Factory farming is not only the biggest contributor to global warming, but the waste emitted from the animals is being dumped into our ecosystem – and into our air and drinking water. Factory farmed animals are produced by the billions –there are four times as many cows in the U.S. than there are people. Those cows (and other animals) are shot up with hormones and chemicals that are then ingested by humans. One recent study showed that many American girls as young as seven years old have developed breasts and have begun menstruating due to the massive amount of hormones they ingest through animal products. That's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to health issues. And I won’t even get started on the unbelievable and inhumane cruelty these animals endure.
My favorite Beatle and fellow vegetarian once said “If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.” I would like to think that would be true, but the fact of the matter is, people will always choose to eat meat. And if you do, that is your decision. You have a right to choose because this is AMERICA, Jack! I don’t push my beliefs on you. I respect your decision. Please respect mine and the decisions of my fellow vegetarians. We don’t deserve to be treated like circus freaks for it.
Speaking of fellow vegetarians… besides for McCartney and the other three Beatles… Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Isaac Newton, R.W. Emerson, Thomas Edison, Voltaire, Albert Einstein, Vincent van Gogh, Emily Dickinson, Franz Kafka, Hank Aaron, Charles Darwin, George Bernard Shaw, Albert Schweitzer, Gandhi, Leonardo da Vinci… history's most important philosophers, writers, artists, inventors, geniuses and heroes… were they all wrong too?
"I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race, in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals, as surely as the savage tribes have left off eating each other.... "~Henry David Thoreau, Walden, 1854
The Expendables, starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis, hits theaters next weekend. I haven’t been this pee-my-pants excited about a movie since December 1988, Ernest Saves Christmas. In anticipation of the greatest action movie ever (no pressure, Stallone), I bring you the Top Eight Badass Quotes from the Baddest Badasses of The Expendables.
8. “If this was Hong Kong, you’d already be dead.”
Although Jet Li has done some great work since Lethal Weapon 4 (Romeo Must Die, Kiss of the Dragon, War) one of my favorites will always be from Mel’s last movie before he went insane (I’m pretty sure it was What Women Want that pushed him over the edge). Anyway, back to Li. Although, he doesn’t utter this badass quote here, watch him kick some Riggs and Murtaugh ass in this short clip.
7. “Rule #1. Never change the deal.”
An up-and-coming hottie badass, Jason Statham has only been around for the past ten years, but he’s done some great work in that short time. In 2002’s The Transporter, Statham plays Frank Martin, an ex-Special Forces operator now working as a “transporter” who moves goods (or humans) from one place to the next. There are only three rules that must be followed… but rules are meant to be broken. Although I couldn’t find a clip of this quote, here is a clip evidencing his superb badassery.
6. “I don’t know what the problem is, but I’m sure it can be resolved without resorting to violence.”
Ah-nold “The Governator” Schwarzenegger leaves politics and returns to badasstown for a brief moment in The Expendables. Although certainly his most famous badass quotes include “Hasta la vista, baby” and “I’ll be back,” my favorite comes from his second greatest movie of all time, Twins (the first, of course, being Kindergarten Cop). Who doesn’t love a little Arnold irony?
5. “I must break you.”
Before The Expendables, Lundgren was best known for his turn as Ivan “The Russian” Drago in Rocky IV (or for those of you as old as I am, you may also remember him as He-Man). After Drago murders Apollo (literally), Rocky comes back to avenge his friend’s death. But it will not be easy.
And just for fun:
4. “Pop it! Pop it, Tommy, pop it!”
One of the most under-rated badasses of all time, Eric Roberts has been in a plethora of kickass movies over the past FORTY years, including The Dark Knight and The Specialist (also with Stallone). But, for me, his most bad-ass moment comes in Best of the Best. Here he plays Alex Grady, a single dad who finally gets to fulfill his dream of fighting for the America team in the Tae Kwon Do World Finals. Only problem?
Watch here (starting at 0:55)
3. “You actin’ like a real McAsshole.”
Terry Crews is a funny guy. A ripped, badass funny guy. Besides for being most known as the dad in the TV show Everybody Hates Chris, he was also in Terminator Salvation and a slew of funny movies. In The Longest Yard, he plays Cheeseburger Eddie and wherever Cheeseburger Eddie goes, hilarity ensues.
Honorable Mention: Stone Cold Steve Austin is also in this movie. He plays one of the prison guards. The reason he gets an honorable mention is because I don’t want him to break my neck too.
2. “Yippe Kay Yay, Motherf@#$er!”
This one goes without saying. Definitely Bruce Willis’s most badass line and probably the most famous action quote of all time. Would Die Hard have been the same without it? I submit that it would not.
1. “No, guys, ain’t no pie-eatin’ contest.”
I save the best for last. I’m not at all playing favorites here, just because my favorite movie of all time is Rocky. But honestly… take a look at Stallone’s repertoire. Besides for Rocky(s) and Rambo(s), we have Cliffhanger, Cobra, Over the Top, Tango and Cash, The Specialist, Demolition Man… the list goes on. Of all badass dudes, Stallone is, by far, the #1 Badass.
With all his great movies, how do I pick my favorite Stallone quote? Impossible. So I’ll pick my Dad’s. From Rocky V:
Finally, for those of you who haven’t seen it 400 times yet, here’s the trailer for The Expendables. Try not to pee your pants.
